Typical Fanfictions
by LaurenSimone
Summary: A few funny, short stories about all of the badly thought-out fanfics I've read. RxR! I had alot of fun writing these!
1. Jacob

_Bella got CHANGED by Victoria after Edward left, and didn't kill her just changed her into a vampire, even though the whole point was to kill her. Well, Charlie had no desire to find Bella in the forest that day and therefore did not call Sam for help._

_Well, now Bella's been a vampire for seventy years. And even though Edward explained that if Bella hadn't jumped off a cliff, he would have come back and begged for forgiveness, he found a NEW WOMAN, Amy!! While he was curled up in a ball in a room all alone, vampire Amy accidentally walked in. They've been insperable ever since! Wow, don't you love romance stories??_

Edward and Amy are walking down the street and who walks by other then old Isabella Swan? Wow! We thought she died of old age, and of course we didn't see Victoria bite her, even though Alice sees visions of important things.

Oh no! I still love her! But I love Amy. Nope, even though I've been happy with Amy for seventy years, I'm pretty sure I still like Bella who I went out with for a grand total of...well, a few months.

"Bye Amy! I still like Bella." Edward said.

"Oh, I hate you! Oh well, I'm going to randomly find Jacob Black, who smells like a dirty foot but he imprinted on me! Wow, who would have though! A werewolf and a vampire!" Amy exclaims.

"Um, ok.. So, let's not keep in touch, alright? Pretend these last few decades ever happened. BELLA!" Edward screams, and runs after her. Amy walks off and finds Jacob.

"Oh, Edward, you hurt me so bad!" Bella says.

"But I love you!" he replies, and kisses her.

"Oh...fine. I love you too! Let's go back to the way things were, ok? Yaaaayyyy!"

_That is Example one of typical Fanfic story. Bella is changed, Edward has apparently forgotten and moved on, and fate brings them back together and they love each other as if nothing ever happened. And you wonder why you get bad reviews? Ok, now for typical Fanfic story number two..._

Bella at Edwards door" Hey honey can I come in?"

"Yes, of course love." Edward says as he pulls his pants back on.

"What were you doing?" Bella asks, seeing as there are no books around, the stereo is off, as well as the TV.

"Erm...just thinking about you, sweetie!" Edward replies, and shoves a playboy under the mattress.

"Well... I need to tell you something... I'm pregnant!" Bella says.

"Wow! Sweet! I know it's completely impossible seeing as how I have no sperm in my body, just venom, but I suppose our love has made it work! I'm so excited!"

"Oh, I love you Eddie." Bella says.

"Yes, thank you. Everyone has always called me Eddie before now, and I'm just so glad we're going to have a human/vampire baby!" Edward says, hugging Bella.

"_Yeah, and even though we're already married, I might be having second thoughts about Jacob Black, and I'm gonna go see him. Even though he's already decided to become a wolf forever!_"

Bella thinks, but says instead, "Uh, Eddie, I have to go. Love ya!"

"Where are you going Bella?" Edward asks.

"Out... see you later!" she says and dashes off to her truck.

"Ok! Even though I am over protective husband who wants to know where you are at every moment, I will not ask Alice where you are. Instead, I will go look at baby stuff! Bye honey!" Edward calls after her.

A few hours later...

"I think I choose Jacob!" Bella announces.

"What? I though you just went out for a bit!" Edward sobs, even though he cannot cry.

"Yeah, isn't this just a huge unexpected twist? I don't think we'll ever go out again. I only turned into a Zombie after you left, but I cried for two days when I told Jacob I didn't choose him. Well, I think crying is worse than becomeing a lifeless, empty shell for months and months. See ya!"

"Ok, I accept your decision. I guess we'll discuss the baby later??" Edward says.

"Huh? What baby?" .

YEARS later

"Wow! My baby is half vampire half werewolf! I have no idea why, seeing as how Jacob had no part in conceiving it. But who cares! I have a hybrid baby! And Edward hasn't been part of it's life, but why should he? It's not like we're together." Bella says.

"I have something to tell you, Bella," Jacob says. "I imprinted... ON LEAH CLEARWATER! DUH DUH DUHHNNN..."

"Well, I guess you have to leave me. I'm going to cry and cry and no one will come and save me!" goes to sleep

Edward sneaks into her room. "Bella! I never forgot you! Please, take me back!"

"Ok, Eddie! Let's be together forever! Stupid Jacob!" Bella screams.

"Yeah... ok, I hate werewolves, so let's go ahead and keep that baby. I'll live with the disgusting smell."

"Hooray!"

_Now, I'm sure you've all read stories like the above. I really love Flabbergasted Phenomenon, where Bella gets pregnant, but that's only because she actually explains why, and It totally makes sense. I have yet to read a JacobxBella story that sounds like it would actually happen, so leave a review if you know of one. Heck, leave a review anyway! I'll write more if I get even TEN reviews. But If no one's reading, then I will just say the story is complete and keep writing for my other stories. Thank you so much for reading. Oh, and for clicking that little periwinkle button. :D_


	2. Weird couples

_Ok, so these are some examples of the disgusting couples that some people come up with. Uhh.. Yeah. There's not much more to say about that._

Edward and Bella are so in love but one night, while everyone is out hunting except Jasper...

Bella watching tv, Jasper walks in:

"Hello, Bella. I have spent over fifty years with Alice, very happily. But I see me and you growing closer and closer together."

"Er... ok, Jasper. I'm going to go get some cereal. It's pretty much the only thing I ever eat, so I'll just go and grab some from your fully-stocked with food kitchen." replies Bella.

"But Bella... I think that I'm falling in love with you." Jasper uses his power to make Bella fall in love with him.

"Wow, Jasper... I love you too." Bella says and starts making out with him.

"Yeah... we can be happy forever. I totally don't care that I had to physically force Bella to love me, I don't feel desperate at all." Jasper says and kisses her back.

_UGHH! Ok, next one._

Emmett is sitting down with Alice.

"DUHH...HULLO ALICE. BAHAHA." says Emmett, and flexes his muscles.

"Why, Hello Emmett. I'm going to go shopping. Would you like to join me?" Asks Alice.

"Yes! I love going shopping! I have never wanted to go, but suddenly, I love going shopping with girls!" Says Emmett and gets all excited.

"Let's go!"

They go shopping at the mall. On the way back home...

"Wow, Emmett. I never talk to you much, actually I'm pretty sure I never said more than two words to you... but after our shopping trip, I see that you are stupid, get over-excited, are extremely hyper, and Rose is no where to be seen. I think I like you." Says Alice.

"Really! Me too! Lets do it!"

_Ew, again. How do people think up these weird couples?? There are more, but I'm getting sick thinking of them. EdwardxEsme, BellaxCarlisle, EdwardxRosalie, BellaxEmmett, AlicexJacob..._

_Yeah. So, this is a new one. People with really really bad spelling. You can't even understand what they're saying. It's painful to read._

Eddie lyke, luvs Bella. Yay.

"Oh Eddie, I luv u dear. Let's be together 4ever and ever. Change me!"

"No Bella honey, I don't rly want u 2..."

"You don't? U don't want me anymor?"aks isabella.

"Er...of coures I do ... I'll prov it!" An then edward has sex with bella.

"Time 4 the wedding!" Bella jumps up. "Oh no! Bad luck to see u befor the wedding!"

They get ready and have the wedding. WHo shows up but Jake black!

"Oh no! Its jacob! I'm guna kill ihm."says edward.

"No don't eddie." says bella.

"Oh ok." says edward.

"You did invite him..." says bella

"Oh yeah. I 4got." says bella.

""ok. Lets change me!" says edward.

"Ok!"

Edward changes her. It was hella painful.

There ok now, they luv eahcother.

_See what I mean? Wow. I hate people who can't spell. And sometimes, they make good stories. Well, usually they don't. But seriously. It doesn't take that long to spell check. Most word processors put a little red line under misspelt words. _

_Ok, lets try for more reviews. I wrote this after five, so let's try and get at least that for this chapter... if not more! Love you guys! You're all hilarious. So, yeah, Click that little button below and review!_


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